Today, I was jokingly accused by a friend of being bitter. According to her, I’m bitter because I didn’t have a mom or dad who could support me now if I decide to stop working or if I become sick and tired of the corporate world and would just want to stay at home — which, fortunately, is the case for her. She can quit her job anytime she wants, be a bum for as long as she wants, give up work to prioritize other activities and still survive because she has a mom who still sends her monthly allowance even at the age of twenty-seven. I know I frequently rant about my job – and the stress and worry that come with it – and I realized this is wrong because apparently I’ve given off the impression that I despise the particular state I’m in, but this assumption is far from the truth.

The truth is, I am grateful. I’m grateful for the turns my life has taken so far.

Growing up, my dad provided us a good life. I was even teased for being a spoiled brat Papa’s girl when I was young. We were not rich, yet we had enough. But all of that changed just before I entered college, which was probably the second most trying time in our lives (the first being my father’s death). Thankfully, I was given a 100% scholarship in college and by God’s grace I was able to graduate on time. After I graduated, I swore to work my way up even though I saw that it’s not going to be an easy journey.

True to His promises, God has been faithful to me. I believe He directed my paths all my life and I absolutely have nothing to complain about. I am grateful for the challenges I have taken, the hardships I have to endure, and the rejections I have to push myself to move forward from, which brought me to this place I’m in – right here, right now. I don’t resent my parents for what happened to the status of our family (though I may have at one point in my life or another for I was also an angsty teenager once) because whatever happened to us only pushed me to become a better version of myself. I didn’t ask either of my parents to step up, but resolved to work harder to provide for them. I didn’t feel bad that, all of a sudden, the youngest child in the family became the breadwinner.

I am proud of the things I have done for my family and for myself. It brings me so much joy that I have been able to give back to them for the past five years. I got really close to tears when my mom told me that my dad once mentioned that he was happy because he thinks I inherited my being gutsy from him (I hope I make you proud, pop!). All the sacrifices I have made has paid off, especially now that we have a home that we can really call our own. The last time we had a property was probably when I was in sophomore year in high school.

I’ve come a long way to be where I am, and I wouldn’t trade my experiences (and the sense of fulfillment I have gained) for a life still dependent on my parents, who by now would be close to retirement had circumstances allowed them to go back to work. I have a lot of feelings toward the journey I’m taking, but bitterness is not one of them. So more than the tension and boredom I often feel about my job, I am actually grateful for all the blessings and for the ability God has given me to earn a living to provide for both my mom and me. I can’t ask for more, but I am excited for the things He is yet to unfold. After all, I’m only twenty-six.

On a slightly related note, I think I’m developing asthma this late in life. I can only guess why I’m having a hard time breathing these days — literally. The imaginary “asthma” is probably caused by my wrestling session with God (think Jacob). I am close to being defeated, now I must learn to accept my defeat with grace.